the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize