If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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