Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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