I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
