News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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