If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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