someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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