Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
