Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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