The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize