Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize