I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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