Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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