SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
