i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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