my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
