I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
