i just wanna soil my oats bro
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
