Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
