if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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