3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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