1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
