god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
