I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
