My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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