Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
