I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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