new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
