How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize