My friends, they love my intelligence
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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