people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
