i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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