barbara walters just said penis...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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