You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
