Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
