My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my phone needs a breathalizer
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
