dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
