just tell him i said nine months
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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