instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
people are starting to question the shark bite story
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
