And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who died my cat blue again?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
