he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is Oprah even human
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
