You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
