woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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