so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
