Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
