All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
