if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
