Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
