names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
