So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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