soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
