well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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