By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
