I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
