they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
