so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
