have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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