matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
