before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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