Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize