Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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