Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
