Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
