His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
