Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
