Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
