eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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