woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
