Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
